


Angels and Demons

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crazy Dean Winchester, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2020-04-06 06:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19057486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Dean has been institutionalized for six years after committing a horrible crime. Since the night of the tragedy, Dean has not been able to speak a word, no matter how hard he tries. He is content with his punishment. But when a strange boy enters his life, he finds that he wants to speak more than ever. But there is more to this boy than he is leading on and Dean fears that his past may be darker than he realized.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A new chapter will be posted every couple of days. If I fall behind, yell at me. Sometimes I get busy. It is pretty much completely done, I just want to get as much editing done as I can before I post it.

"Today is August 11th, 1997. I am here with Dean Winchester age 17." Dr. Mills spoke into the recorder. "Dean? Can you tell me what happened in the woods that night?"

Dr. Mills looked over at the now teenager sitting in the chair on the other side of her desk. He never looked anyone in the eyes, always looking to his hands, his feet or the floor. It had been six years and still, no one had been able to break through to him. But Dr. Mills never stopped trying. Part of it because it was her job and another part because, somewhere deep down inside, she knew that he could be saved. He was just a scared child.

"I know that it is hard for you to talk about," she continued when it became clear that he was not going to talk to her, yet again. "But I think, no, I believe that if you can allow yourself to talk about it, you'll feel better." 

More time passed and all that could be heard through the room was the swishing noise that could be heard from the recorder. Dr. Mills didn't want to give up, she would never give up. But today was not the day. They would get there. They had to get there. 

"Okay," she finally allowed defeat to claim the day as she turned off the recorder. "We will try again another day. Just know, that when you are ready to talk about what happened, I am here."

Dean fidgeted with his fingers in his lap. It was like he wanted to talk to her but he could never find the words. They raced in his mind, along with flashes of what had happened. He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell her what had happened but he couldn't. It was his burden to bare. No one else needed to be dragged into the mess he had created. Enough people had suffered. Dr. Mills did not need to suffer along with them.

_____ 

Dean was brought back to his room after the meeting with Dr. Mills. Normally, at this time, he would be out in the main room. It was where everyone had a chance to socialize or do some kind of activity. There were lots of things to do, from paying boards games or reading a book, all the way to watching movies or playing pool. They knew Dean hated being out there, so on days like today, they let him sit in solitude in his room. 

"Dean," Nurse Moseley poked her head into his room. "I need to speak to you for a moment."

Dean liked Nurse Moseley. She was older and set in her ways. But at the same time, she cared a great deal. Even though he had never spoken to her, she seemed to know what he needed, when he needed it. Of all the nurses that were here throughout the course of the week, she was by far his favorite.

"As you know," Nurse Moseley had given him a pause to speak like she always did. Maybe she hoped he would same day answer. He never did. "It is two to a room. When Benny left, we noticed how hard you took it. I know you liked him. We decided then to give you some time. Unfortunately, we are limited in space."

Dean was getting a new roommate. He hated getting new roommates. In the six years he had been here, he has had fifteen roommates. Of those, he only liked two of them: Kevin and Benny. Kevin, because he was smart and liked to talk about things. Dean tried to ignore him but he always found him more fascinating than anything else. Then after a few more had come and gone, he got Benny. Benny didn't take shit from no one and told people off who tried to talk to Dean. When Benny was here, outside of Nurses and doctors, no one spoke to him. He really missed Benny. 

But people got better. Aside from himself and Marvin, no one had ever been here more than a couple of months. They came, got treatment, got better and went home. Marvin was batshit crazy and Dean never spoke. They weren't going anywhere anytime soon. 

"Tomorrow morning," Nurse Moseley sat down on the bed opposite from Dean's, "you are going to be joined by a boy named Castiel." 

Castiel? What kind of name was Castiel? Dean could tell already that he was not going to like this kid. His name sounded like something one got for one of a few reasons. Either he came from money, hippies or religious freaks. Hopefully, it was the religious freaks. The hippy kids always wanted to talk to him and the rich ones always complained about how horrible their mothers and fathers were for making them come to this shit hole. The religious ones tended to fear him in a way. That meant they didn't talk to him.

"Okay," Nurse Moseley brought herself to her feet. Had she been expecting something from Dean? Did she want him to protest? "I'll bring you dinner in a few hours. So, don't think I never did anything for you."

If Dean could remember what it was like to smile, he would have. Rules were simple. You ate in the dining hall with everyone else. Food was not allowed in the rooms. It didn't happen often but Nurse Moseley broke those rules on occasion when she felt it necessary.

_____ 

Dean ate his dinner, the whole time looking over at the bed across from him. It reminded him of home. His little brother and he used to share a room, their beds about the same distance as the beds in this room. Dean remembered hating having to share a room with his little brother. But now, he would give anything to have Sam sleeping across from him, asking him stupid questions when all Dean wanted to do was sleep.

 _"What if there are monsters in the closet?" Sam would ask. Sam was worried that monsters were everywhere._  

 _"Then they will eat you once you fall asleep," Dean would answer, as mean as it was._  

But there were never any monsters in the closet. When the monster in their lives finally came, it was Dean. Monster in the next bed. Poor Sam had been afraid of the wrong thing for so long he never expected it when the real evil showed its face. 

"I'm sorry Sam," Dean whispered into the empty room. 

Dean was the big brother. He was supposed to protect Sam from the evils in this world. He was supposed to be the savior, not the … not the killer. 

_"Sammy?" Dean screamed, looking at the limp, bloody body of his little brother, pinned beneath him. "Sammy wake up."_

_Dean screamed with everything he had in him. His brother's name came tumbling from his lips like a broken record. Then everyone was screaming, his mother and his father. They were pulling Dean away._

Then Dean was here. He deserved to be here. If they were smart, they would never let him out. But they kept trying. They told him that if he could talk about that night, he could get better. He could one day go home. But he didn't even remember that night, not exactly and home. Home. Did he even have one of those anymore?


	2. Chapter 2

"Dean."

Dean opened his eyes for a brief moment, only to close them again. The bright light from the window was too much for his eyes to handle. Slowly he tried again, squinting until he was able to fully open them and see Nurse Moseley standing in the doorway. Didn't she ever go home?

"Your new roommate it here," she informed him. "Figured you would rather have him settle in with you awake, instead of waking up to a random person sitting in the room."

Dean looked up at the ceiling for a moment, once again hoping all of this was a dream. But when the world around him remained the same, he set himself up and looked out the window. He just had to make it a month or so, that is all they ever lasted. Then a few months after that, he would be moved to another facility and all of this would start again. Maybe as an adult, in an adult facility, things would be different. 

"Right this way, Castiel." Nurse Moseley guided the new kid into his … their … no his, room. He had been in this room for six years. It was his room, he just had to take in guests every now and again. "This will be your room. And this young man will be your roommate. His name is Dean."

"Hello, Dean." The boy spoke. 

Dean refused to look away from the window. He was not prepared for this. But once Nurse Moseley stepped out and shut the door, he couldn't help himself. He finally turned to look at his new roommate, who was standing by the door. He was tall, but not quite as tall as him, and lanky. He had messy hair, crazy blue eyes and was he wearing a trench coat?

"I am Castiel," he introduced himself when he noticed Dean looking him over.

Dean shrugged at Castiel. He wasn’t really good at this introduction thing. Thankfully, Nurse Moseley had told Castiel his name. Still, that was not going to take away from the awkwardness of the situation. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to talk to him, it was that he couldn’t. After that night, Dean had not been able to speak. He had tried many times to talk to multiple people but nothing came out. He was broken, or his voice was. Not even sound came out. He had been in pain and he had cried and all of them were silent. Doctors kept telling him that it was all in his head. There was nothing wrong with his vocal cords, but they were wrong. Something in him was broken beyond repair. 

“That is okay,” Castiel walked over to his bed and set down his bag. “You don’t have to talk to me.” 

Dean hurt a little for Castiel. He didn’t want the kid to think it was him but there was nothing that could be done. It was better this way. Dean didn’t have to get to know him and Castiel did not have to get to know Dean. Relationships were pointless in this place. It was best to avoid them altogether. 

____

Keeping Castiel at a distance ended up being harder than Dean had imagined. He was like a lost puppy who had found and imprinted on Dean. He followed him around. He occasionally talked to other people but when he found that Dean didn’t talk to these people, he stopped talking to them as well. It was strange but in a way, Dean kind of liked the kid. He was strange. Strange was better than the alternatives. 

“Dean,” Castiel spoke one night, as they were working on falling asleep. “I know that you don’t want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, but can I maybe talk to you?”

Dean looked over at Castiel, barely able to see him in the darkness in the room. Castiel was looking directly at him, with a glimmer of hope that Dean would agree. It went against his no getting close to anyone policy, but the kid seemed like he needed a friend. So, against his better judgment, Dean nodded his approval. 

“Thank you,” Castiel smiled. It was the first time Dean had seen him smile.

When Castiel smiled it was pure. Dean couldn’t help but feel his chest fill up with air at the sight of it. Why this happened, he wasn’t sure. Maybe he was happy with himself for making someone else happy. Or maybe it was the feeling that Dean had been dreading bringing into the light, the one he felt the first moment he saw the boy. No matter how hard Dean worked to fight it though, he couldn’t deny those blue eyes. The guy was cute, what could he say. Well, technically, nothing. 

“My family hates me,” Castiel spoke again.

Hate. Does someone actually hate Castiel? How could that even be possible? Dean had only known him for a short while, but even he could see that there was nothing worth hating about the kid. He was quiet and kind. He seemed like the kid a parent would boast about having.  _ Our Castiel is so sweet and polite and he gets good grades. He is going to go to a great college and become someone.  _ At least, that is the conversations he imagined Castiel’s family having about it. 

“My parents are both really religious,” Castiel informed Dean. It explained the name at least. “Everything in our home has always been about God.”

Dean gagged slightly at the words. There was nothing wrong with religion or believing in something greater than yourself, but when it consumed who you were, it was sickening. Maybe that isn’t exactly how he felt. People could be as religious as they wanted to be, but when every little thing was because of God or for God or blamed on God, it was then that religion was just a crutch to lean on when you wanted to hate something you didn’t agree with or understand. 

“Then all of a sudden Michael and Anna’s perfect little boy gets caught with his tongue down some boys throat in a closet at church.” As the words left Castiel’s mouth, Dean couldn’t help but look over at him. What?

“Then they send me to this camp,” Castiel continued on. “Did you know that we have camps where kids can be sent to straighten them out, literally? I didn’t know either until I landed in one. Then I made out with another guy and suddenly not only am I an abomination but mentally disturbed.”

Dean was not sure what he was hearing. He worked through it the best he could. Castiel was gay. He got sent to a fix the gay camp and that didn’t work. But even if it was against his parent’s religion, how did he end up in this place? You didn’t really end up in a mental institution for being gay. There had to be laws around something like that. Weren’t there?

“Then my parents get a bunch of people from my church and people from my school, teachers mainly,” Dean could hear the anger in Castiel’s voice as he went on telling his story, “ to band against me. Twelve different people told the police how I said I was going to murder a bunch of people at the church and then kill myself. Really? Kill myself? Right.” 

Dean was now sitting up in bed. He had heard a lot of crazy shit in this place. All the way from people setting themselves on fire because some voice told them to do it, all the way to alien abductions. But this was something else. It almost seemed made up. He felt the alien abduction stories seemed more plausible. But Castiel seemed so certain when he spoke that Dean didn’t have any choice other than believing him. 

“At least here no one treats me like crap,” Castiel added in. “Thanks for listening.”

Castiel’s life was crazy. Now not only was Dean crushing on his strange roommate, he was crushing on his openly gay, crazy roommate. Great. That’s just what he needs.


	3. Chapter 3

As the days moved forward, Dean found that he wanted to spend all of his time with Castiel. Once Castiel had been given permission to talk to Dean, he hadn’t stopped talking. He talked about church and his feelings on religion, which were right along with Dean’s feelings. He talked about going out with a girl named Hannah, but when they kissed it actually made him sick to his stomach. He thought maybe he had been sick but when Lucifer had dragged him into that closet and kissed him at the church for the first time, Castiel knew it was so much more than that. Side note, who names their kid Lucifer, especially a religious person?

Finally, after forever of not being able to talk back to Castiel, Dean came up with an idea. He had been given this option many times but he had always denied it. But now, it was the only thing he wanted to do. So, Dean got a notebook. Nurse Moseley was excited when he pointed to one, thinking he was finally going to open up to them but sighed when Dean made sure she knew that was not the reason. Still, he didn’t miss that small glimmer of hope that spread across her face. 

“What is that for?” Castiel asked when they got back to their room after dinner.    
  
Dean was certain Castiel knew what a notebook was for, but Dean had never had one before. So, it was logical for him to be curious about this new staple in their bedroom. 

Dean sat himself down on the bed and pulled the notebook into his lap. He then grabbed the pen that he had set on his nightstand. He hadn’t written in years, though he knew how. Even though his schooling had virtually stopped six years ago, Dean had read every book in this joint. He was not dumb by any means. Taking a deep breath, he opened it up and wrote something down, before handing it to Castiel. 

Castiel took the notebook from him hesitantly, unsure of what was about to happen, but a smile formed across his face when he looked down at the first page. 

_ I couldn’t think of any other way to talk to you.  _

“Why can’t you just talk out loud?”

Dean grabbed the notebook and began to write again. This time, instead of waiting for it to be passed back to him, Castiel sat himself down next to Dean, taking away some of the work in this conversation. 

_ I don’t talk. _

“You don’t talk or you can’t talk.”

_ I can’t talk. _

“Why not? Were you born that way?”

_ No. I used to talk. I used to never shut up. But then something happened and I couldn’t talk anymore. _

“Did you get injured or something.”

_ Or something. I don’t really want to talk about it.  _

“Fair enough.” Castiel nodded. “It’s nice that we can do this. Why are we doing this?”

_ I don’t know actually. I just wanted to talk to you. Never wanted to talk to someone before. _

“How long have you been in here?”

_ Six years. _

“You have been in here for six years and haven’t spoken to a single person?”

_ Not until today.  _

“Why me? Not that I am not flattered. But, what made you want to talk to me?”

_ I still haven’t figured that part out. _

And that began a slow, hand stiffening, journey of getting to know Castiel. Dean still didn't have it in him to tell Castiel what caused him to be in this place but Castiel never asked and didn't seem to care.

______

"So, Dean," Dr. Mills started the tape recorder next to her on the desk. "I have been told by a few people that you are sort of communicating with your new roommate."

Dean looked up at her, worry sinking in his chest. This was going to make her push him harder to talk to her, even if in written form. Just because he liked Castiel and wanted to talk to him didn't mean he wanted to talk to everyone, or anyone else for that matter. 

Dr. Mills gave him a while to decide whether or not he was going to engage with her. When he gave her nothing, she sighed and turned off the tape recorder. One of these days, she would give up. Everyone gave up on Dean eventually, even his own family had. 

"What happens when he leaves here next week?" Dr. Mills finally asked. 

Leaves? Castiel had said nothing about leaving. Why hadn't he told Dean he was leaving? They had grown so close and Dean had been so open with him and now he was leaving without even telling him. Maybe Dean meant nothing to Castiel as well.

Dean gripped the handles of the chair tightly. It felt like he was falling off the earth. He wanted to die. First Benny and now Castiel. He couldn't keep going through this.

"How do you expect to leave this place if you can't communicate with the world?" Dr. Mills asked. The words didn't come out harsh but they definitely felt that way. 

Dean couldn't take it anymore. He brought himself to his feet and stormed out of her office. He didn't have anywhere to go beyond his room. At least, no where without people. But that had been the worst decision. When he entered the room, Castiel looked up from his bed.

"Hey," Castiel smiled up at him. "How did it go?"

Normally, at this point, Dean would grab his notebook and let Castiel know what was going on. But he was angry with Castiel. He was leaving him. Dean was going to be alone again and no one cared. He knew getting close to anyone was a mistake. One he was never going to make again. 

"Dean?" Castiel seemed concerned, which showed just how good of a liar he truly was. "What happened?"

Dean laid down on his bed and turned to face the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to block out Castiel who was repeatedly saying his name. A week was too long. He needed Castiel gone now. 

"Please Dean," Castiel whispered. "Why won't you talk to me?"


	4. Chapter 4

Dean continued to ignore Castiel, even though he wasn't giving up. He continued to sit with Dean at meals and talk to him throughout the day. Why he was even trying was beyond Dean. But even in all that, Castiel still hadn't mentioned leaving.

"Dean?" Castiel spoke into the dark.

Dean was awake but he kept his eyes closed. If Castiel believed he was asleep, maybe he would not talk to him. That wasn't the case any other night, but tonight, maybe he would get lucky.

"I realize that you are angry at me," Castiel spoke again, much to Dean's displeasure. "I just wish you would tell me why, so I can make it right."

Dean shook his head. Was Castiel really that stupid that he didn't know what he was doing? Did he think that Dean would not find out that he was leaving? Seriously, what was his problem?

Having enough, Dean flicked on the light and grabbed his notebook, opening it up to a blank page. He frantically wrote down all he needed to say and threw it at Cas. 

_ You are leaving. Dr. Mills told me of all people. You should have been the one to tell me. But obviously I am just a passing person in your life and don't deserve as much. _

Dean watched Castiel read the page, a look of confusion on his face.

"Dean," Castiel looked up at him. Dean wanted to look away but he needed Castiel to see how hurt and angry he was. "I am not leaving. At least, they have no told me I am leaving. In fact, the last time I talked to Dr. Mills, she said that if I couldn't even admit that I had threatened to hurt myself, how did I expected to ever be released."

Dean's heart sank as the words set into his mind. He was both relieved and saddened by them. Castiel was not leaving him. He had treated Castiel like shit for no reason. He should have talked to him when he found out and things never would have gotten so bad.

"You would be angry at me for getting out of here?" Castiel asked, before Dean had a chance to work through all of this. 

Dean reached out toward Castiel and after a moment of confusion, Castiel handed him back his notebook. Dean went to write his response but stopped when Castiel got up to sit next to him. It was easier this way. Once Castiel was settled in next to him, Dean continued to write.

_ I was angry because you didn't tell me you were leaving.  _

"If I was leaving," Castiel started to talk but then stopped. 

_ If you were leaving … what? _

"I don't know," Castiel shook his head. "I wouldn't leave."

_ You don't really get to choose things like that. _

"I'd find a way." Castiel stated. "I would threaten to harm myself or something like that."

_ Why? No one wants to be in this place. I don't even want to be in this place. _

"I love it here," Castiel gave Dean a smile but it still didn't make sense. 

_ Why? It can't be the wonderful food and the room with a view.  _

"See that is where you are wrong," Castiel nudged Dean with his shoulder. "My room has the best view in this whole damn place. Can't be giving it up to someone who won't appreciate it." 

_ How can someone appreciate a prison looking courtyard with a busted up basketball net? _

"I didn't mean the outside view," Castiel laughed.

_ In the room? There is even less to look at here. _

"I thought you were quicker than that Dean Winchester."

Dean looked from Castiel to his notebook, trying to figure out what to write. He didn't understand. 

Castiel reached out and grabbed Dean's notebook and pen. He closed it and set it down on the table beside the bed. Dean looked him over, working through all that was going on. 

"Dean," Castiel whispered, leaning in toward him. "I am going to kiss you now. Is that okay?"

Dean swallowed hard, his eyes darting from Castiel's eyes to his lips and then back up again. Dean had never kissed someone before and no one had ever attempted to kiss him. Did he want this? Did he like guys? Did he like Castiel?

That final question to himself was all that he needed. He didn't like Castiel, he loved him. He felt like he was dying on the inside when he heard Castiel was leaving him. 

Dean didn't nod his head to answer Castiel. Instead, he leaned forward putting his lips only an inch away from Castiel's.

A smile broke out across Castiel's face before he closed the distance, his lips lightly pushing against Dean's. It was strange at first, a sensation Dean didn't know how to describe. But when Castiel pulled back, Dean chased his lips with his own, locking them harder this time.

Dean turned and wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck, holding him tightly. He wasn't sure if this was what he should be doing but it was what he wanted. When Castiel didn't pull away, he was certain he was doing this somewhat correctly.

The kissing continued slowly. Light kisses, turning into partly opened mouths slotting together. Before long, they were lying on Dean's bed, Castiel on top of him, completely devouring his mouth. 

Castiel kissed down Dean's face to his neck, nibbling lightly and then making his way back up, all while grinding himself against Dean's leg. He could feel how hard Castiel was ground back against him to show how turned on he was as well.

"Dean," Castiel pulled away. "We need to stop."

Dean shook his head. He didn't want this to end. Why did Castiel want this to end? Was he doing this wrong? 

"I want you badly. I do." Castiel clarified Dean's questioning, even though he never voiced them. "But if we get caught during a check, they will split us up."

Dean sighed but nodded his agreement. If they were caught, they would move one of them to another room. Dean couldn't have that. 

Castiel kissed Dean lightly once again before bringing himself to his feet and walking himself over to his bed and lying down.

Dean worked to wrap his mind around the entire situation. He never would have imagined that he would be attracted to someone of the same sex. To be fair, he never thought about being attracted to anyone before. He didn't really live a life suitable for a relationship. But he knew he wanted this; he wanted Castiel. 

Reaching over to this nightstand, Deam grabbed his notebook and wrote something out. It was a stupid idea and it would never work but it was the only one he had. He couldn't lose Castiel, not now that he actually appeared to have him.

Dean ripped the page of the notebook and extended his arm out. Castiel grabbed the paper and opened it up his eyes going wide as he looked it over. Dean was worried for a moment but then a smile broke out over his face. 

"Absolutely," Castiel smiled. 

_ Run away with me.  _ Dean was not going to give them a chance to take Castiel away from him. It was the only way. 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean didn’t have a bag like Castiel did but they made do. Castiel promised that when they made it to the outside and somewhere safe, he would find a way to get Dean some new clothes, or whatever else he needed. While it seemed like this was a failing plan, it was their only option. If they wanted to be together, they had to leave this place. For Castiel, all he would have to do is lie and say he did what they were accusing him of doing, possibly. But for Dean, it was not that simple. He couldn’t give them what they wanted, no matter how hard he tried. 

“Okay,” Castiel came into the room and sat down on Dean’s bed beside him. “I just finished visiting with my cousin. He is going to give us a place to stay long enough for us to figure out our next step.” 

  
Dean reached for his notebook.

_ What if we get caught? _

“That is something that could happen,” Castiel answered solemnly. “But we have to try right?”

_ I know. I am just scared.  _

“There is nothing to be scared about.” Castiel tried to assure Dean. “Once we get out of here, we will figure it out. My cousin is good at disappearing when he wants to, he can help us disappear as well.”

_ I don’t even know what the world is like out there. _

“Pretty much as messed up as ever,” Castiel informed him. “I will teach you anything you need to know when we get out. Unless you are having second thoughts.”

_ No. I want to do this.  _

“Okay,” Castiel smiled. “Are you ready?” 

Dean nodded, setting his notebook down. He knew what he needed to do. 

Dean slipped Castiel’s bag onto his back and remained inside of the room, the door slightly cracked so he could hear what was going on outside. Castiel disappeared out into the living area, leaving Dean to wait for his cue. Then it happened. There was screaming coming from multiple people in the living area. Soon, every nurse and staff member was running down the hall to see what was going on. 

Once it seemed that everyone had passed his door, Dean quietly snuck out and made his way down the hall toward the nurse's station. He looked back, making sure no one was around, before jumping over the counter and searching for the buzzer. There was a button they hit to open the door. He had never really seen it but he knew that it was there.

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice whispered behind him, causing him to jump slightly. “We don’t have long.”

Dean continued looking for the buzzer. When he found it, he pushed it without giving anything a second thought. They were going to get out. If they got caught, at least they had tried, at least he had tried. He would do anything to stay with Castiel. He couldn't lose him. 

Once the door was open, Dean jumped back over the counter and ran after Castiel who was holding it open. The door opened into a stairwell that went down five floors. He was not sure what was on the floors below or what they would encounter once they reached the bottom, but he was prepared to fight if he had to. 

Running down the stairs came in a blur. His feet were moving faster than his mind. As he rounded the last step, he fell, catching himself before hitting the ground completely. Castiel reached out and grabbed him, pulling him back to his feet. Once he was standing, Castiel reached for the door and pushed.

Dean had been outside many times, but it had always been in the worn down courtyard. This was different. Even though it was the same air, it felt better in his lungs than he ever imagined. It stopped him up for a moment before Castiel pulled on his arm, willing him to keep running. They had to run for as long as they could before stopping. Any slip up could get them caught and sent back. That would lead to them being separated and Dean couldn’t have that. He couldn’t lose Castiel.

“Follow me,” Castiel told him, leading them toward a forested area to the side of the building. Dean panicked slightly, not being found of forests, but it was the only way. So, he willed his feet forward and followed Castiel into the darkness of the woods.  

_____

When they finally stopped, Dean had no idea where they were. Once they were out of the woods, they had followed a road for several miles, ducking back into the trees whenever they saw a car. Flagging someone down for a ride would help them move along quicker, but they couldn’t chance it being someone from the hospital. 

“There was a sign that mentioned a gas station a little bit back,” Castiel finally spoke. They had barely spoken a word since leaving the hospital. “We can stop there and I will call my cousin. He might be able to pick us up.” 

Dean nodded his agreement, even though Castiel wasn’t looking his direction. He was focused on the road and making sure that they got where they needed to be. Dean was glad for his ability to take control. Dean wasn’t good at being in control of anything and his dislocation from the world around him made him the worst kind of guide. He wouldn’t even know how to navigate down this road, let alone have a plan for once they actually had a destination. 

_____

“Run,” Castiel yelled to Dean as he exited the store. 

Dean had been standing by the payphone they had used to call Castiel’s cousin. Castiel had gone into the store to get some supplies, asking for Dean to wait outside. Dean knew something was up but he didn’t question it and waited patiently. 

Now they were running once again. Dean wasn’t sure for how long but eventually, the running stopped and Castiel pulled them into a building. It looked to be a run-down apartment building or something of the sort. Was this where they were supposed to be? Dean didn’t have his notebook, so he couldn’t ask Castiel where they were or where they were headed next. 

“This is where Gabriel said he was going to meet us,” Castiel answered Dean’s questions without even having to ask them. “We just have to lay low until he gets here.”

Dean nodded his understanding. But honestly, what had he gotten himself into?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to get this up. Life has bee n kind of hectic for me. But I hope to have the next chapter much sooner.

Castiel’s cousin was … well … weird. Gabriel met them only a few hours after they had arrived at the rundown apartment complex. Thankfully, it was not where Gabriel lived, just a safe place to meet the two of them. Gabriel’s real home was a condo on the other side of town. When he had been described to Dean, he never would have imagined that he was rich. Was Castiel’s family rich as well?

"You guys probably shouldn't stay for more than a night or two," Gabriel informed them as he showed them to the guest bedroom they would be staying in. "I am sure I am the last person they would expect you to be with but we can't be sure they won't look here."

"Thank you Gabriel." Castiel pulled his cousin into a hug. "You have no idea how much we appreciate this."

"Anytime," Gabriel waved him off. "Oh, is uh, the one bed okay or do you want separate rooms?" 

"We hadn't really discussed it," Castiel informed Gabriel before turning his attention toward Dean. "Would you like for us to have separate beds?"

Dean contemplated the question. For the most part, he didn't want to be away from Castiel any longer than he needed to be. However, sharing a bed with Castiel had its own implications. If he shared a bed with him, would he be expected to sleep with him? Dean had barely kissed a person for the first time, he wasn't sure if he was ready to sleep with him yet. Or was he? Dean was almost certain he would do anything for Castiel.

Finally, Dean shook his head no. He did not want to have a separate bed from Castiel. Whatever it led to was better than being alone and away from him. 

"We will share the bed," Castiel told Gabriel. "Thank you." 

"Anything else I can get for you before I leave you to …" Gabriel paused, looking between the both of them. "Whatever it is you two plan on doing."

"We plan on sleeping," Castiel said as he shot a glare in Gabriel's direction. "But actually, you wouldn't happen to have a notebook would you?"

"Planning on writing some confession letters?" Gabriel laughed.

"Something like that," Castiel laughed with him. He gave Dean a small glance, letting him know he wasn't going to tell Gabriel all of his secrets. 

"I'll see what I can scrounge up," Gabriel agreed and then left them to themselves.

"Are you sure you want to share a bed with me?" Castiel asked, turning to face Dean. "I could sleep on the floor."

Dean shook his head no. He wanted to do this. He needed to be near Castiel. Chances are they were going to be found and brought back to the hospital and they would never see each other again. He needed to be with Castiel as much as he could until then. 

"Yo," Gabriel called through the door, knocking on it lightly. "I'm gonna set this notebook and pen outside the door. I'll see you both in the morning."

"Thank you, Gabriel," Castiel called through the door.

They waited for a moment before Castiel went out into the hallway and grabbed the notebook and pen, bringing it back in to Dean. He wished he could just say what he wanted to Castiel but he still couldn't find his words. It was possible that he never would. Could Castiel deal with him forever being silent? 

_____

The banging on the door caused both Dean and Cas to jump, coming to their feet incredibly fast. Neither really knew when they had fallen asleep, completely clothed and on top of the covers. The notebook Castiel had gotten for them to communicate was sprawled out beneath them. Being on the run seemed to have tired them out.

"Cassie," Gabriel yelled through the door. "I made breakfast." 

"We will be out in a minute," Cas called back. 

_ He isn't a very subtle person.  _

Cas read over the words and laughed. "Not even in the slightest. You hungry?"

_ Starving _

"Once we eat, we can get cleaned up and work on a plan."

Dean nodded his head in agreement. Bringing himself to his feet, he grabbed the notebook and followed Castiel out of the bedroom. Cas seemed to know the place well enough, walking them directly to the kitchen. This was helpful, maybe it meant Gabriel would not need to be around them much. Dean was sure he was a great guy but being on the outside of the facility didn't automatically turn him into a people person. 

"Hey," Gabriel smiled at both of them. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you all want first."

"I suppose the bad news," Cas answered, a shakiness in his voice.

"You boys are all over the news." Gabriel informed them. "Apparently you are Deano's hostage."

"What?" Cas turned to look at Dean before turning back to his cousin. "This was all my idea. If anything, Dean would be my hostage."

"Well," Gabriel looked between them as if trying to figure them out. "Unless you left that in a note somewhere, how would they know that?"

"Shit," Cas sighed.

Dean wasn't sure how to feel about all of this. Had he given any indication to them that he would do something to harm Cas? They were using Cas against him in therapy sessions because they knew how much he cared about him. Why would they put that out on the news? He wasn't a bad person.

_ Except that you killed your brother,  _ his brain reminded him. He didn't remember killing his brother but they told him he had. He had seen Sammy in the moments leading to his death and it was hands covered in blood. But he couldn't remember. Was that going to happen to Cas? Was he going to kill him without knowing he was doing it? Should he go back and save them all the trouble of being around him? Cas was better off without him.

Dean pulled up the notebook. He was going to explain that he should go back and how Cas should keep running. But his hands froze before he could write. He couldn't leave Cas. Cas was the only person in this world who cared about him, who made him feel safe. He loved Cas. He couldn't just leave him.

"Whatcha got to say, Deano?" Gabriel looked over at him.

_ What is the good news?  _

It wasn't what he wanted to say but it was the only thing he could bring himself to write.

"Oh that," Gabriel laughed, turning around to grab a plate sitting by the stove before turning back to both boys. "I made chocolate chip pancakes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again this took so long. I am a horrible person, I know. But hopefully this helps a little.

They spent the next few days planning out where they were going. Leaving the state was the best option for both of them and Gabriel promised he could get them anywhere they wanted to go, as long as it didn't require a passport or a plane to get there. Dean had never been anywhere, so he left it in Cas' hands to find them a destination. Dean's only input was that it not be somewhere too hot and there not be a lot of people. 

Gabriel suggested that he locate them a cabin somewhere. One that was owned by a bank so he could transfer the deed into their name without someone noticing it. When a place was owned by a person, they were more likely to notice when that property no longer belonged to them and they weren't getting any money for it. 

Even though Dean wanted to sort of be a part of society, he agreed to the cabin option. Castiel promised they would venture into the nearest town for food and supplies when they needed and that one day, when everything had blown over, they could work on locating somewhere less secluded. 

It was going to take a little bit of time for Gabriel to get them their new home. In the meantime, he had them move across the country staying at random hotels. They could only stay for a day or two before having to move onto the next destination. It was never the life Dean had imagined having. But then again, he never imagined having a life at all. And any life with Castiel was the life he wanted. But something was missing. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Castiel asked one night while they were lying in bed. "There is no pressure to answer it." 

Dean reached for his notebook; his fingers shaking around the pen. He knew what Castiel was going to ask. He had known it was coming for a long time. Luckily, Castiel had left it be for all this time. But now they were embarking on a life changing journey together. He had to tell him the truth at some point. 

_ Okay. _

_ " _ What caused you to be put away and stop talking?" 

Dean knew what the question was but it still felt like it knocked the air out of him once the words came out loud. 

**Flashback**

_ Dean woke abruptly to the sound of glass shattering. The room was dark but he could see movement in the corner of the room. Jumping up quickly, he rushed over to Sam's bed but found it empty.  _

_ "Sammy?" Dean called out before turning to the dark figure in the corner. As the figure moved into the moonlight coming through the window, Dean gasped. "Sammy?" _

_ Sam did not answer him. Dean got up to go to his brother but he bolted toward the door and took off. Dean stood frozen for a moment, confused as to what the hell was going on. Once the initial shock passed, Dean quickly followed after his brother.  _

_ "Sammy?" Dean yelled after his brother who was running toward the forest behind their home. "Sammy wait up." _

_ 'That isn't your brother, Dean,' a voice screamed in his head. It wasn't his own.  _

_ Dean continued to run. Once he caught up with his brother, he froze again. The ground in front of his brother was opening up, dark smoke rising up and into the trees. Sam stood there looking down into the hole, not moving, his body completely still. He looked so small, his eight-year-old body standing before what had to be a twenty-foot hole. _

_ "Sammy!" Dean screamed again. He didn't know what was happening but he knew he needed to save his brother.  _

_ 'I can save your brother.' The voice from earlier echoed in his mind again. 'Let me in to save your brother.' _

_ "Who are you?" Dean grabbed his head.  _

_ 'I am the only one who can save your brother.' The voice spoke again. 'Please let me in to save him.'  _

_ "I can't." Dean cried, taking a step toward his brother only to be knocked back.  _

_ Sam turned to look at Dean. It was dark but there was no mistaking those eyes. What was wrong with Sam's eyes.  _

_ "Sammy?" _

_ 'That is not Sammy,' the voice told Dean. 'But I can save him. You just have to let me in.' _

_ "Okay." Dean could feel the tears burning his eyes. "Okay." _

_ Everything went black. Dean searched trying to see something, anything. He screamed hoping someone would hear him. His parents had to have woken up by now. Why couldn't he see? _

_ After what felt like hours screaming, the trees from the forest came into view. The light from the sun was beginning to break through the tree line. What had happened? Why are his arms so heavy?  _

_ Dean looked down at his arms.  _

_ "Sammy?" He screamed, shaking his brother who was lying in his arms. "Sammy wake up. Sammy? _

**Present Day**

"If you don't want to tell me, I understand." Castiel said, reaching out and setting his and on Dean's.

_ No. I'll tell you. It's just hard. _

"Take your time." Castiel smiled at him. "Take all the time you need."

_ I killed  _

Dean paused, his hands shaking. He felt like the pen was about to slip through his fingers. He had never admitted this to anyone. 

"You killed?" Castiel asked, cocking his head to the side. Dean could see him fighting back the worried look he wanted to give. "What did you kill, Dean?"

_ Sammy. _

"Sammy?" Castiel read the name off the page. "Who is Sammy?"

_ My brother. I killed my brother.  _


	8. Chapter 8

They got to the cabin that would be their home for the foreseeable future and slowly got themselves settled in. Gabriel had made sure that it had enough furniture for them to survive with and even set them up with cable and internet. Dean had watched television his whole life but the internet was something that he had no been on since before he got put away. It was something new they had in their house, so, even though he had used it once before, it was all new to him. Hopefully, Castiel would show him the ins and outs of what it had to offer. Hopefully. 

Castiel had not spoken much since Dean had told him about his brother. When he did speak to Dean, it was about what needed to be done for moving and to ask what he wanted to eat, but there was no talking outside of that. It was strange. From the moment they met, Castiel had spent every minute talking his ear off. He originally had found it slightly annoying but now that it was gone, he missed it. He missed Castiel. He had never missed someone who was standing so close to him before. 

Day two in the cabin and Dean figured it was time to say something. He could not stand the silence. If he had lost Castiel, he had to face that. He knew it was coming; he just did not expect it to happen so soon. 

Grabbing his notebook, Dean paced back on forth the length of their bedroom. They shared a bedroom. He thought that meant they were fine, but Castiel only slept next to him. He did not touch him and Dean was too scared to initiate anything. He knew Castiel was only trying to be nice. Or maybe he was afraid of him now and scared of what Dean would do if he tried to sleep separately. 

_ Can I talk to you about something? _

Dean wrote down the words and then made his way downstairs. He wanted to have it out because he knew his hands would be shaking once he got there. When Castiel was in sight, he almost backed out. But he needed to do this, not for him, but for Castiel.

Taking a deep breath, Dean set the notebook on the counter in front of Castiel and slid it over to him. The response was immediate. Castiel reached for the notebook and glanced down at it.

“Of course,” Castiel answered Dean’s question “You can talk to me about anything.”

_ I think I should go back.  _

“What do you mean go back?” Castiel’s face dropped. Dean could see the worry and he almost smiled. Worry meant that he still cared. 

_ You haven’t talked to me. You haven’t touched me. You barely look at me.  _

“Dean,” Castiel sighed. He made his way around the island that separated the kitchen from the dining room and stood in front of Dean. “I am sorry. I have been, well, kind of a jerk.”

_ I understand. I told you something awful. You are scared of me. _

“Scared of you?” Castiel cocked his head to the side and looked up at Dean, really looking at him. “I am not scared of you. I just… I kind of feel like I am supposed to say something profound or make it better. I don’t know what that is and I have been thinking so hard about it. I didn’t realize I was being quiet and pushing you away at the same time.”

_ Say something profound? _

“Yeah,” Castiel laughed, breaking through a little bit of the seriousness in the room. “Something like, you didn’t know what you were doing or I am sure you had a good reason.”

_ But what if I don’t? _

“Then I don’t care,” Castiel admitted. “Please don’t leave me. I… I love you.” 

_ I love you too.  _

“So, you will stay? Promise me you will stay and never leave me?”

_ I promise. I will never leave you.  _

“Can I ask you something?” 

_ Anything. We kind of established that. _

“My question isn’t that simple.” 

_ You can ask me anything. _

“Why did you do it?” 

_ Why did I do what? _

“Kill your brother.”

_ I don’t know. I don’t even remember doing it.  _

Dean wrote out the story. He told Castiel about following his brother into the woods and about how strange he was acting. He told him about the large hole in the ground and even about the voice in his head. Once he said yes, everything had gone black and how when he came to, he was holding his dead brother in his arms. 

“Some asked you to let you in?”

_ This voice in my head. It kept telling me that in order to save my brother, I had to let it in. I tried to fight it but I was scared, so I said yes and then I don’t remember anything after that.  _

“I don’t think you did it, Dean.” 

_ There was no one else there.  _

“The voice was there.” 

_ Okay. So, crazy Dean was there with me.  _

“Dean,” Castiel stepped away from Dean and into the kitchen. “Do you believe in Angels?” 

_ Angels? _ Dean held up his notebook for Castiel to see. 

“I think you were possessed by an Angel.” 

_ Angels don’t exist. Do they? _

“I may not be the most religious person in the world,” Castiel laughed, thinking about what religion had done to him. “But I believe in angels. And one thing I learned is that if an angel comes to earth, they need a human body. But they have to be given permission first.”

_ So, Sam and I were possessed by angels? _

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “I don’t think Sam was possessed by an angel.”

_ Then why would an angel possess me and kill my brother? _

“Because, I think,” Castiel ran his hand down his face. “I think an angel possessed you in order to kill a demon. I think a demon was possessing your brother.”

Okay, so Castiel was the crazy one, not Dean. 

“Dean,” Castiel walked back over to him and tried to take him in his arms, but Dean pulled away. “You didn’t kill your brother. An angel did.”

Dean shook his head. This was too much, even for him. Why was Castiel doing this? Was this supposed to make him feel better? Was he trying to find something to blame Sam’s death on so they didn’t have to admit that Dean was a murderer? 

_ You are wrong.  _

“Dean, just listen to me. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s not.” Castiel tried to further his case. “Everything you told me about the voice asking permission and Sam having black eyes. It all makes sense. That is why you don’t remember. You weren’t really there.”

Dean turned away from Castiel and headed for the door. He had heard enough. This was low by anyone’s standards. He had gone too far. 

“Dean,” Castiel called after him but he didn’t stop. He needed to get away. He needed air. He needed to be anywhere other than here. “Dean!” 


	9. Chapter 9

Dean was not sure how long he had been sitting outside but it had grown dark hours ago. He knew that Castiel was behind him and had been for some time. He appreciated that he was giving him space, so to speak, but he also wished he would come to talk to him. He had stormed out and felt justified, but he did not know how to go back from that. This was an area where Dean had no idea what to do. Sure, Castiel said some crazy things, but he was trying to make Dean feel better. That is what you did for the people you loved, right?

But then there was the other side of it all, the part where maybe Dean believed him. Ever since that night, Dean had dreamt about that night. He had heard the voice in his head over and over again. It was not his voice. It was not even a voice he recognized. Part of him knew that he was not making it up. He wasn’t crazy. He didn’t feel crazy.   _That is because you are not crazy._

Dean had to find out more. He needed to know what happened to his brother and to himself. There had to be clues or answers out there for that night. No one told him anything beyond what he already knew, but there had to be more. How did he do it? No one had told him how his brother had died. And what happened to the hole in the ground?

“I’m not crazy,” Dean finally spoke. It made him jump. Dean had not spoken in years, not loud enough for another person to hear. He was surprised he even remembered how. He didn’t sound like himself anymore, and there was a rasp that he was sure came from the fact that his vocal cords never got the chance to work.

“Holy shit,” Castiel spoke from behind him. “You actually can talk.”

“I am not deaf,” Dean shook his head. He stood up from where he was and turned to face Castiel who was standing directly behind him. “I just thought I was crazy.”

“But you aren’t crazy.”

“I am not crazy,” Dean confirmed.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel sighed. “This is going to take me a minute to process.”

“Try being me right now,” Dean laughed. The sound that came out was bizarre, but it felt good. He hadn’t heard himself laugh since before his brother died.

“I am not crazy either,” Castiel informed Dean. “I know that I sounded like a rambling mad man in there, but I believe what I said. As crazy as I am aware that it sounded.”

“But angels?”

“Yes, Dean.” Castiel nodded. “Angels.”

“And Demons?”

“With all that you have been through,” Castiel began, stepping closer and grabbing Dean’s hand into his own. “With all that you have seen. How is this so out of the realm of possibility?”

“It’s not.” Dean shook his head. It was still kind of crazy, but until he got to the bottom of it all, he was willing to host all possible ideas. “But Angels and Demons? That does sound crazy.”

“Maybe it is,” Castiel agreed. “But what if it’s not?”

“I need to find out what happened.” Dean took them slightly off-topic. “Whether this crazy theory is right or not. I need to find out what happened to my brother Cas.”

Wow. Saying his name out loud made his stomach flip in all kinds of ways. Was that love? Was it just hearing it in his own voice? Whatever it was, it stopped his train of thought for a minute.

“Then let’s find out what happened.” Castiel agreed. “I will call Gabriel in the morning and we can get started.”

“We can use the internet,” Dean said a little too excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to use it since we got here.”

“Okay,” Castiel laughed. “We can use the internet. But we will also use Gabriel. You would be surprised all that he can accomplish.”

“I don’t think anything Gabriel can do would surprise me at this point.”

“True.” Castiel laughed. “All of this is kind of insane as far as what he has done for us.”

“My throat hurts.”

Castiel laughed at Dean’s words.

“I would imagine so.” He gripped Dean’s hand tighter. “How about I make us some hot tea and then we can call it a night? Then tomorrow, we will get started on finding the answers that you need.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed. “Can we have hot chocolate instead. Sorry, but that tea you drink is kind of gross. It tastes like tainted water.”

“Yes, cause a cup full of sugar is so much better.”

By the time they reached the house, Dean’s mind was racing. This evening had not gone the way he had planned. He had half expected to be packing his bags and getting ready to head back to where he came from. Now he was talking and about to start investigating the death of his brother, all while drinking hot cocoa with his boyfriend. Were they boyfriends? They had never really used that terminology, but that is what they felt like. They had expressed love and shared a bed with one another.

Dean wondered what his family would feel about all of this. Had things been different in life, would they have freaked out if he one day brought a boy home instead of a girl? If he found out what happened to Sam and proved to them that it was not his fault, would they welcome him and his boyfriend into their lives? Dean had not really spoken with his parents much. They stopped visiting when he wasn’t showing any progress and from the way they looked at him, he was sure they did not even want to participate in those visits. He hoped they would take him back. He really missed his mom.

“So,” Castiel sat down on the couch next to Dean, after getting the fire started. “Are we done with the notebook?”

Dean looked around the couch and spotted one of his notebooks lying on the side table. He grabbed it and flipped it open, keeping a straight face the entire time.

_I kind of like the notebook._

“Yeah,” Castiel laughed. “Much better than your voice.”

“What?” Dean pulled away for a moment. He knew that his voice was out of practice, but he did not think it sounded that bad.

“All those raspy sexy sounding words,” Castiel continued, “they will surely be distracting.”

 _Notebook it is._ Dean wrote quickly.

“Remind me to throw every notebook in this house into the fire.” Castiel grabbed the notebook from Dean’s hand and tossed it across the room.

“That is okay,” Dean nodded. “Tomorrow you teach me the internet. Then I can just email you what I want to say.”

“I changed my mind.”

“About teaching me the internet?” Dean asked.

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “You are crazy.”


	10. Chapter 10

_ Things were coming out of the hole in the ground. Sammy stood in front of it, no fear on his face. He was just a little kid, he should be scared. Why is he not scared of what’s happening? Dean was the older brother, the protector and even he was scared. He wanted to run away, grab his mother and father and possibly cry. But he couldn’t move his feet. The fear for Sammy had paralyzed him. He couldn’t help his brother at this moment but he knew he couldn’t leave him alone either.  _

_ “This is the way it was meant to be.” _

_ Was that Sammy’s voice? Dean hadn’t remembered Sammy saying anything that night. He tried to fully focus on Sam. Was he trying to tell him something? Maybe trying to remember what Sammy had said would give Dean some answers to what had happened.  _

_ “There will be no point in letting Michael in,” Sam’s voice rang through Dean’s ears so loudly it almost knocked him over. “I have already won?”  _

_ 'I am the only one who can save your brother.' The voice spoke again. 'Please let me in to save him.'  _

_ "I can't." Dean cried, taking a step toward his brother only to be knocked back.  _

_ Sam turned to look at Dean. It was dark but there was no mistaking those eyes. What was wrong with Sam's eyes. “Just go home, Dean. Everything will be okay.” _

_ "Sammy?" _

_ 'That is not Sammy,' the voice told Dean. 'But I can save him. You just have to let me in.' _

_ "Okay." Dean could feel the tears burning his eyes. "Okay." _

Dean woke up covered in sweat. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. It was the same dream he’d had a million times but this one was different. Sam had never spoken to him in his dreams before. Had he really spoken that night or was Dean now making up things in his head to try and justify all of the information from the day before?

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice cut through the darkness in the room. “Dean, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean lied. He was far from okay. “I just had a nightmare.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Cas asked.

“The same dream as always,” Dean sighed, lying back down in the bed. “Just, more.”

“More?” Cas questioned. “More how?”

“Sammy spoke to me in this one,” Dean informed Cas. “He has never spoken to me in the dreams before.” 

“What did he say?”

“None of it made any sense.” Dean tried to figure out the message but the words meant nothing to him. “He told me to go home and that everything would be okay. And Michael, something about Michael and winning.”

“Michael?” 

“Yeah,” Dean answered. “We don’t even know a Michael.”

“Like, Michael, the Archangel?” 

“Seriously?” Dean couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Do you know how many Michaels are in this world?”

“I am aware.” Cas glared over at Dean. “But with the conversation we had yesterday, that is the best guess I could come up with.”

“Why would Sam be worried about Michael?” 

“Sam wasn’t worried about Michael,” Cas answered. “Lucifer was.”

“Lucifer?” Angels. Demons. Now the freaking devil. This was getting way more out of hand than he had originally believed. “Like the actual Devil?”

“Yeah,” Cas responded. “There is a story about how when the apocalypse comes, Michael and Lucifer will lead wars against each other. Maybe you and your brother were the start of that war.”

“I am starting to think you are crazy again,” Dean couldn’t help but let the words come out. 

“Maybe I am,” Cas agreed. “But what if the voice in your head that you let in was Michael and he killed Sam trying to stop Lucifer?”

“So, now my brother and Lucifer are dead?” 

“I don’t know,” Cas shrugged. “I don’t have a direct line with hell to know if Lucifer died.”

“Can we go back to sleep,” Dean asked. He was not ready for all of this. He went from knowing that he wasn’t crazy and needing answers to feeling ever crazier than the world believed him to be. All of this was seriously out there and Dean was starting to have doubts about both of their sanity. Cas was crazy for even thinking these things and Dean was crazy because, deep down, he really believed him. 

“Yeah,” Castiel agreed. “We will figure this out, Dean. I promise we will.”

“Okay. Night.”

“Night, Dean.” 

Castiel pulled the covers up and wrapped his arm around Dean. It didn’t take long before Dean could hear him snoring lightly beside him. He couldn’t deny that he felt something strongly for him but all of this mess with Angels and Demons was confusing him. He was not a religious person. He wasn’t even sure that he believed in God. But if he believed in Angels, he had to believe in God. 

But he would not kill Sam. Every ounce of him was certain of that. Sam had meant more to Dean than anything in this world. He had loved his parents greatly, he still did, even though they had given up on him. But Sam, he had been Dean’s entire world. Unlike other kids who hated when their younger sibling tagged along, Dean was always excited to bring Sammy. He wanted to be there when Sammy experienced things.

_ I will find out what happened to you. _ Dean thought, hoping that wherever his brother was, he could hear him. If there was a God, there had to be a Heaven.  _ I promise you, Sammy. Whoever did this will not get away with it. _

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Castiel spent a good portion of their morning on the phone with Gabriel. Dean could only hear Castiel’s part of the conversation, but it appeared that Gabriel was taking it well. Questions were being answered, which means questions were being asked. Was it a religious thing that made accepting angels come easily to them? Dean never really got the impression from Gabriel that he was religious. What man worshipped God but hid runaway mental patients and stole property from the government? That seemed like something that God would frown upon if he were, in fact, real, which Dean is still not sure he believes. 

“Gabriel is going to do a little research,” Castiel pulled Dean from his thoughts. “He said he will call us when he has anything. We can still do internet research like you want. I won’t take that away from you.”   


“Thank you,” Dean smiled. He really was curious about the internet. He had never been allowed to use it but had heard people talk about it over the years. He felt like an old person who didn’t know how to program a television. Technically, he didn’t know how to program a television either, he had just noticed in movies and shows that the younger someone was, the better they were supposed to be at technology. 

"Would you like to get started on that now? Castiel asked.

"Actually," Dean paused, not sure how to word his thoughts. "I didn't sleep well last night. I was thinking we could relax today and maybe try tonight or tomorrow."

"I think that is a wonderful idea." Castiel smiled. "Gabriel made sure to hook us up with Cable. We can find a movie if you like."

Dean had no idea how hard it would be to decide on something to watch. They got to watch television and movies at the hospital, but everything was always picked out for them. If it was higher than a PG rating, you could bet that it wasn’t going to get watched. They believed that movies with too much adult content caused the patients to get overly worked up. After his millionth time watching another Disney movie, Dean had opted to read books instead. They were a little less constricting with content with it came to those. Still, they were carefully picked out. 

“Well, what kind of books do you like to read?” Castiel finally asked. “Maybe I can find something based on that.”

“I like fantasy books.” Dean answered after thinking on it for a while. “Something with magic and suspense. I like to never know what is going to happen next.”

“Like vampires and werewolves?” Castiel questioned further.

“I like both of those things,” Dean answered. “As long as it isn’t Twilight. Those books were a little too much for me.”

“Yeah,” Castiel laughed. “They aren’t my favorite.”

“But I feel I would enjoy vampires or werewolves.” 

“I have just the thing.” Castiel smiled as he switched from Cable to Netflix. 

When Castiel had told Dean about and started  _ Penny Dreadful,  _ he was not sure if it was what he had in mind. It seemed a little off the wall. But who was he to judge a television show? He didn’t watch them and it could be better than he pictured it to be. When darkness began to fall in the sky outside of the Cabin, Dean had his answer. He was engrossed in the show. There was action and adventure. It was dark but meaningful at the same time. Every time Castiel asked if he wanted to watch another episode, it was a no brainer. 

“There is a lot of sex in this show,” Dean said aloud absentmindedly. 

“Yes, there is.” Castiel agreed. “Does it bother you?” 

“Um.” Dean wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Did it bother him? “Uh, no. It doesn’t bother me, but it does make me uncomfortable.”

“I am so sorry, Dean.” Castiel quickly reached for the remote. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I will turn it off.”

“No. No.” Dean reached out and stopped him from turning off the show. “That isn’t what I meant.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

“I meant that it is … uh,” Dean looked down at himself and then back up to Castiel. “It is making me, you know, uncomfortable. In, uh, my clothes.”

“Oh.” Castiel’s eyes grew wide when he realized what was being said. “Um.”

Dean could see how flustered Castiel seemed by his admission. He knew they were together, in some sense of the word. But he wasn’t sure what all of that really meant. He was new to relationships and everything that came along with it. The kissing he had gotten down since they seemed to do a lot of that in the beginning. But, as time moved on, they seemed to touch each other less and less. Maybe Castiel was not as interested as Dean was. He loved him, Dean believed this to be true. But love had many definitions. 

“Can I ask you a serious question?” Castiel turned to Dean on the couch. 

“Yes,” Dean answered honestly. There was not a whole lot that Castiel could ask him that he wouldn’t be willing to tell him. The worst things Dean had ever done, Castiel already knew about and he was still here.

“What is the most you have ever done with someone?” Castiel asked.

“I have kissed you,” Dean answered. 

“So,” Castiel seemed to take a moment to think about this. “I am the only person you have ever done anything with?”

“Yes,” Dean frowned. He hated that he was so inexperienced, but he didn’t have all the chances that Castiel has had. “Kind of hard to do anything when you have been locked up since you were a pre-teen.”

“Would you uh,” Castiel began but paused.

“Would I what?” 

“Would you like to try things with me?” Castiel asked Dean. “I mean, not like sex, at least, not right away. Or ever. If sex is not something you want to do with me. But we can do other things.”

“I am scared,” Dean admitted. “But yes, I would like to do things with you. All the things with you. I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean.” Castiel’s smile seemed to take over his whole face. Those were Dean’s favorite smiles. 

“But I wouldn’t know where to begin,” Dean told Castiel.

“Don’t worry.” Castiel reached over and grabbed Dean’s hand. “I got that part covered. Except for the sex part. I have never actually had sex with anyone.”

“Then we will learn that part together.”

“I would like that,” Castiel admitted.

“So, uh,” Dean looked from Castiel and then down at his hands, embarrassment kicking in again. “How do we start?” 


End file.
